Hope hangs on a swing
by radiojulia
Summary: When Quinn is left thinking suicide is the only way out she'd have never guessed the only one to pay attention is her ex-friend from childhood Rachel Berry. Rated M for content and possible later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Quinn's POV

Quinn had the perfect life, a family that loved her (at least her mother did unconditionally, her father not so much), her boyfriend who thought the world of her and friends that envied her. So why did she feel like this, like there was really nothing for her anymore? Why did her thought keep going back to thought of suicide so much? It's not that she really wanted to die so much as not end up a Lima loser like everyone expected her to. Her boyfriend Finn was a good guy with all the right intentions. He would make an excellent father with plans of taking over Bert's garage when the time came, but that was Finn's plan, he was content with that life, she wasn't.

Quinn was always aware of her days before her HBIC status. Most days she envied the kids that were the unlucky targets of torment at the school. More often than not the envy fell to the kids that so easily faded to the background, such as Mercedes, Tina, even Rachel. It was always Rachel that stood out, but if she wanted to, could just as effortlessly hide in the shadows. The HBIC bet Rachel never felt like this, have everything you've been told would make you happy, only to be truly unhappy in every aspect. This is insane Quinn told herself as she walked down the halls with the mask of smiles she'd become so used to wearing. It was something that she'd perfected over the time that this new state of thought had taken hold. No one had even noticed the change in Quinn, and although it wasn't a big change, still hurt that at least someone must have seen it. Quinn stood out but only as HBIC, otherwise she faded into the background and was easily replaceable. Once Quinn was gone it'd be easy enough for Santana to take over. Hell the only reason she wasn't HBIC was cause of her involvement with Brittney. HBIC meant being able to date the QB and Santana definitely could not convincingly pull that off once it was public knowledge of their relationship. They were adorable together, resembling two halves of the perfect person. Although Santana and Brittney should have easily been the "it" couples they still were made well aware of where they lived. The slushy baths that had been previously not a part of their lives, had been waiting for them the day after their coming out. Now along with Kurt, the two girls were slushied almost daily, even though they still retained their cheerios status. This more than anything only confirmed to Quinn that she needed to remain in the set path of life in order to remain unscarred. However that just didn't seem like something that she could do anymore.

The whole good girl crap wore more on her than she let on. She envied Santana and Brittney's ability to damn society's view of them being so free with their love for each other. Quinn knew what she was missing in her life, but she couldn't shake that feeling that it'd be easier to just end it all instead of being her true self. She just didn't know how people managed to be so frigging happy all the time, like Brittney or Rachel managed to be. The HBIC was jealous of Rachel beyond most anyone else. She knew a level of happiness that the HBIC would never be able to accomplish in her lifetime, and she did it on her own. That self sufficiency just wasn't what she was raised to do. She'd been raised right, but it had more to do with no one bothered to show her life beyond what they expected her to do, and it was exactly that which she wanted to experience. Quinn knew it would mean death, either social or her own physical life. Above all she didn't want to hurt her, Rachel Berry, this was the only way to do that, for the HBIC to physically die.

Quinn knew that despite how she had come to terms with her love for Rachel Berry, the thought of putting her through the further potential torture at school just wasn't worth it. There was no telling if Rachel even felt the same and if she didn't, Quinn knew her life would be changed to a degree of no return. More than anything in the world Quinn didn't want to take any of the happiness in Rachel's life away. More so, if Rachel felt the same way about her, Quinn knew she'd only hurt the diva in the end. No one had bothered to let Quinn in on the secret of how to truly love someone, to be a good partner in a relationship. She could love, that wasn't the issue, but to truly show the emotion, to not have it come across as a farce, was something that eluded the HBIC. Quinn knew how to fake happiness that normally came along with a relationship; even how to cover up a bruise or two so no one would know the family truth. Not one person bothered to catch that either even though everyone in town knew her father and his views of the world. The last thing anyone wanted was to get on the wrong side of Russell Fabray and yet that's where Quinn found herself most days. Her mom had been beaten into submission a long time ago and thus never came to the aid of Quinn when she cried out in pain from the new almost daily beating. But she didn't want to dwell on that, just get through the day and then start to work on how to end it all, to save the ones she loved.

Quinn had been happy before, she rarely could remember those days now, but she knew they existed. She remembered trips as a family to all sorts of places, Italy, Spain, England, and Ireland. Ireland had been her favorite with the farmland that had stone fences and the lively pubs that each town had. That particular trip had been sponsored by her father's company as he had to win over new investors and the appearance of a happy family only helped his case. So for a month Quinn and her mother were left to whatever they wanted to do for the hours Russell worked. This was the best part of the trips, having the ability to just be free, something that definitely didn't happen in the states. She'd miss her mom when she was gone and the guilt of leaving her with Russell almost made her wish there was another way. Judy would never understand what Quinn was, much like Russell wouldn't. It was just easier for everyone this way. Even if Rachel felt the same way about her, the disownment from Quinn's family would make life unbearable.

A/N: I do not own Glee or any of the characters. This show rocks, unless they kill off Quinn on the episode tonight... :)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait between chapter updates but if I wrote the craziness of the time spent between the last chapter and now I'd have a best selling novel. Between my crazy (and only sane place at times) apartment and my every crazy work it's been a roller coaster. Add a little bit of drama in relationships and you're only beginning to get an outline of the story. Anyway, you don't read this to know about me, you read it for the story so here it is.**

**As always I don't own Glee, any of it's characters, or anything associated with it besides this story. Please comment if you'd like me to continue writing this story. Any grammatical errors are my own and hopefully aren't too numerous. Enjoy!  
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Rachel's POV

About a mile away in her fathers, Rachel Berry was sitting at her computer uploading her weekly video onto YouTube. As she did most days that she was doing this her thoughts went to glee club, and how she watched one particular member all but fade away, while appearing on the outside unchanged this person was definitely losing the battle. Someone had to notice the light leaving Quinn Fabray's eyes more and more each day. But not even Finn seemed to take notice. She tried to think why no one had noticed anything, but she kept arriving at the same conclusion, maybe the HBIC was just that good an actress. Rachel watched people though, to try and pick up different social cues, in an effort to improve her acting. Quinn had always been one of her favorite subjects to study as she had the most expressive eyes out of anyone she'd known in her short life. The diva watched the HBICs spark slowly disappear as the school year drew on. Something was a serious a miss in Quinn's life and Rachel's first thought was of Quinn's father possibly stepping up his abuse. Rachel knew the abuse that Quinn endured from the time she accidentally saw Quinn in the cheerleaders locker room, but she pushed that thought out of her head. It seemed almost impossible though that someone hadn't noticed the abuse by now. But the more the diva though on that the more she wanted to cry, cause it was a well know fact in Lima that Russell was abusive and yet no one stepped up to help the Fabray woman out. It made Rachel sick and every part of her being wanted to help Quinn, then she remembered what her dads told her about Russell. It just didn't seem possible to have someone that evil and cruel could produce someone so opposite as Quinn. Rachel truly believed the past that Russell had lived, being the miserable homophobic asshole towards her dads, made him push his family to be anything but nice. Rachel knew Quinn and Judy weren't like him though. The diva saw how the mother and daughter acted when they knew Russell was out of town. She saw how Quinn shifted in her torture at school it was almost like everyone had a break, even if it was only a couple of days. There had to be more to Quinn than the HBIC let on, and whatever it was Rachel was going to find out, before it got the better of Quinn.

Quinn's POV

She was her nightly run to the school and back, after all she lived only 2 miles away. One of the few things that Russell did that Quinn didn't mind so much was his desire to make sure his family was in shape. It was about the only time she had to herself to sort out the day. This was when she was going to put together her plan on how she was going to exit this world. Quinn felt lighter as she ran since her decision was made. All the normal methods came to mind, but none seemed good enough to inflict the level of pain to her father she wanted to leave him with. Before she knew it she was passing by Rachel's house. The diva's bedroom light was on and Quinn knew more than likely there would be a new video on Rachel's You tube channel that night. She'd miss running by her house every night, damn Russell for making her have to choose death. The HBIC collapsed to the ground in tears, this was not how she wanted to be, dead, dying, whatever variation of that being she was in at the moment. She had to get away and so she did what she always did, got herself back up, back running, this time to the playground.

The swings were Quinn's favorite, she let her mind wonder back to Rachel and when they had both attended elementary school. Let her mind travel back to a time they had been friends. Popularity and the need to be popular in order to please Russell, had won over the friendship with the future diva, the swings were the start of it all, the place it happened. Here Quinn knew it had all gone wrong, the one event that had sent her down this path, to this point.

The HBIC hated herself for the act of choosing popularity over Rachel but she got the beating when she got home just the same being as she had gotten in trouble for it all on top of losing Rachel. Russell had not liked the news of his daughter being friends or even associated with a daughter of queers. He made it a point to Quinn that night when he came home after being harassed by a couple of church friends he ran into with the news of his daughter newly formed friendship. Nothing in Lima stayed hidden for long, and if it did that meant no one wanted to deal with it. So when Quinn had excitedly told her father about Rachel at the dinner table Russell had asked her last name and upon hearing it didn't skip a beat as he told her it'd be better to be friends with someone like the Pierce girl, Brittney, he thought her first name was. He didn't forget to add the "discipline" as he put it, for making him look bad to his fellow church members for being associated with such sinners as the Berry family. It was those events that had lead to Quinn seeking out Brittney and her new friend Santana at school the following day instead of eating her lunch with Rachel. Immediately Quinn knew Santana was trouble but the girl was very much against Rachel which she knew would appease her father, she had little choice if she was to make the make happy. Recess came and Quinn's new friends had already been busy laying out a prank for Quinn's old friend, or rather Santana had been.

By the time Quinn as made aware of the plan to loosen the bolts on the swing set in the back of the playground it was too late. Quinn wanted to push through the crowd of people that had already formed around the future diva but something held her back. She could see the girl was hurt and Quinn knew she was the one to blame. Tears ran down her cheek, but she brushed them away just as Santana appeared at her side laughing. Rachel locked eyes on Quinn as the sound of laughter reached her, tears started to form in the small girl's eyes as she locked onto Quinn's eyes, expecting her friend to come to her aid. Instead Quinn stood frozen until Santana jabbed her in the side, it was then Rachel realized the girl was no longer her friend.

The day played in Quinn's mind over and over as she neared the old swing set and sat down on one of the swings. She wanted to forget that day so much and hold onto it at the same time. Quinn was lost in her own thoughts so much so she didn't notice the swing to her right was now occupied or even that a car had pulled up to the school in the first place.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry I haven't written in a very long time. There's the ago old excuse of things getting out of control with life, but it's the truth. Things happen and here I am back to writing. As always, I don't own glee or anything beyond the creative plot and storyline that I take the characters in within the writing.

Rachels POV

Rachel couldn't believe the sight outside her window. Quinn had fallen on the sidewalk and it looked like she had been in pain for a moment. She was used to seeing Quinn run by every night, figured it was part of the Sue Slyvester cheerleading requirement. But this night something just felt off when she saw the HBIC. Rachel grabbed her jacket, and keys, said a quick excuse to her father, and followed Quinn to the school. When she saw that Quinn had sat on the old swing set, Rachel was overcome with the memory of the single worst day of her life.

The day had started like any other, but it was made better by the fact that little Rachel now had a friend, Quinn. It was going to be amazing to have someone to eat lunch with, and be able to say they were actually friends from "way back when", when they both became famous. It never occurred to her that her new friend would turn out to be her tormentor for the better part of her k-12 experience. Despite the crushing let down, she made up her mind on that day that those 3 would never have the pleasure of seeing her break from the torture. That didn't mean however that Rachel didn't stop caring about Quinn. Which lead to her following the HBIC tonight in an effort to get to the bottom of the pain she saw in her eyes.

As Rachel sat down on the swing next to Quinn, she was surprised the cheerleader didn't speak. Rachel wondered how long Quinn would let her sit there before saying something. Quinn just say slumped over as if she was in another world all together. How was this the strong, powerful, self assured woman that bullied the school around on a daily basis. What happened to Quinn, and was Russell to blame for this?

Rachel started counting out loud how many times she swung back and forth. Quinn was taken back that there was now someone next to her, let alone that it was Rachel. Rachel continued to count and then asked out loud to Quinn, "Do you remember when we used to count to see who would give up first? I remember that amazing week when we were friends, it was, without a doubt, my favorite week." Rachel looked over to Quinn who now had tears coming down her cheeks. What the heck was going on with this woman?

Quinns POV

How was it that this woman could always make her cry? Well to be fair, the majority of the time she didn't see the tears. Quinn wanted to run, wanted to get up from the swing and take off running. But Rachels words made her curious, so she stayed. "Why are you here Rachel? What business do you have here?" Quinn didn't mean for the last part to sound so mean, but it was said and done. If Rachel stayed sitting here, there was no way she could effectively plan her death. She so wanted this pain of living to be over and now after everything, Rachel of all people was "breaking the ice", with talking about the only time she'd ever really been happy. God she wanted to run away so badly. Quinn had switched from having tears in her eyes to having anger behind her words in a matter of seconds. Why was Rachel even here? Had she been stalking Quinn or something? Why couldn't she just be left alone to plan her departure from this world. The world that would never understand or accept her as her true self.

So what was Quinn to do when her body betrayed her by not allowing her to leave? But this was Rachel sitting next to her, the one person everything Quinns' heart screamed that she desired and everything her upbringing told her she should never desire. The tug-of-war that Rachel physically sitting next to her, was beginning to be downright unbearable. Everything in Quinn wanted to scream to Rachel that she wanted to run away with her because she loved her and would never be able to have Quinns family fully understand their relationship. But this all hinged on Rachel actually feeling the same as Quinn, which would be the only truly lucky break she'd have. So instead Quinn sat in silence next to someone she wished she could tell everything to.

Rachel took a deep breathe and tried to start a conversation again.

"Quinn, what's going on? I saw you running past my house."

How the hell did this girl always know when things were off with her?

"What do you mean Rachel, there's nothing wrong with me! I really just want to be by myself if at all possible."

Rachel was taken back by the anger that was coming out of Quinns mouth.

"Look Quinn, I'll leave you alone if you can tell me, look me in the eye, and tell me you're absolutely fine."

This girl was impossible! How the hell dare she tell her what to do! Well she only had to fake one last interaction and then the last person that bothered to pay any attention to her would be fooled into thinking that everything was alright. Quinn gathered her resolve and turned to Rachel for the first time since the diva sat down next to her.

"Rachel, there's nothing wrong with me. I just want to be left alone for the very little time that I'm allowed to be by myself. What do you want me to do Rachel, tell you all my sad tales? Since when did you care about me anyway?"

Quinn was surprised by how badly she failed at convincing the diva. She knew Rachel wouldn't buy the performance as soon as she told her it was the only time she had to herself. What if she made her tell her all about her life? This was infuriating and she'd had it. Finally her body didn't betray her and once again she was running. Quinn was sure she heard Rachel say something, but she didn't hear what was said. Hopefully Rachel didn't follow her and this could all just be as if the intrusion never happened.


End file.
